Monday, 7 October 2013

'& Son' Script Draft 1

After many a group and tutorial discussions with Alan and Phil over the story we finally decided how we might possible fill in the plot holes of the original story. Our main concern was motivation, why is the son acting out and why does the father choose to reward him in the end? But we were also worried about overload. We could add so many dimensions to this story and drag it out for a good half hour animation... but our story is a simple one about a father and a son... and we don't have 2 years to animate it, so we can't try to fit in too much.

This reworking of the narrative adds in the presence of a new character, Benjamin's late mother. The story now focus' on the bereaved father and son struggle to reconnect after their lose yet have to deal with other mourners everyday. Barnabas chooses to bury himself in work as a distraction while Benjamin just wants to entertain and make those attending the funerals cheer-up. There are visual clues that the mother inspired the both father and son in their creative (the father's art and son's entertaining) pursuits but now both struggle to have a proper outlet for them until a final outburst reminds them of what is really important.

This is a first draft. The team are still working on refining it.

NOTE TO TEAM: I removed the butterfly- as we thought, it was just too much. As I wrote this it felt wrong and like she inhibited the story a little so she's gone.

First Draft
06/10/2013
“& Son”
FADE IN:

EXT. GRAVEYARD

CAMERA: WIDE SHOT OF GRAVEYARD GATE

It is heavily raining. A horse and cart, driven by BARNABAS BADGERSWORTH drives into shot. His son, BENJAMIN, sits beside him wearing tops and tails like his father except for a flamboyant, polka-dot Bow-tie. The side of the cart reads "Badgersworth & Son"

CAMERA: CLOSE-UP

The boy looks bored and sad. Barnabas looks down to him with a sympathetic smile but Benji doesn't notice.

CAMERA: WIDE SHOT

The cart stops outside the Cemetery Gates and stops

CAMERA: ZOOMS IN THROUGH THE GATES

INT. GRAVEYARD

SFX: DRAMATIC, FAKE, TEARS

A group of around 18 people stand at one side of an empty grave. They are all wearing black formal wear.
A coffin is being lowered into the open grave by 4 tall undertakers as a VICAR talks

WIDOW
(Cries dramatically dry tears)

-- The WIDOW sits down onto a small wooden chair that, it is revealed, has a WHOOPI-CUSHION placed upon it.

SFX: FLATULENCE

The funeral attendees gaze around in shock.
Benjamin, standing at a short distance, is sniggering.
Barnabas looks aghast and embarrassed then, hearing his son's laughing, looks to him in shock.

CAMERA. ZOOM OUT OF SCENE TO CEMETERY GATE WIDE SHOT

EXT. GRAVEYARD

Outside the graveyard the funeral horse and cart moves off in a hurry back the way it entered.

CAMERA. ZOOM ON THE '& Son' PART OF THE SIGN

SET. CHANGES FROM THE GRAVEYARD GATE TO THE EXTERIOR OF THE FUNERAL PARLOUR

EXT. FUNERAL PARLOUR

CAMERA. WIDE SHOT OF PARLOUR AND NEIGHBOURING SHOPS

The parlour is in a line of small town shops. It's sign that reads 'Badgersworth & Son; Funeral Directors'. The horse and cart stop outside.

CAMERA. ZOOM IN THROUGH LOWER WINDOW OF PARLOUR

INT. FUNERAL PARLOUR OFFICE

Barnabus sits at his desk amoungst a mass of paperwork and looks flustered. He signs an invoice

CAMERA. BIRDS-EYE VIEW OF THE DESK WITH CLOSE-UP OF THE SIGNATURE

As Barnabas lifts a sheet of paper it knocks his ink well slightly leaving a pool of ink that could almost resemble a flying bird. Barnabas, in a day dreaming state, uses his finger to move the ink so it further resembles a bird. As he finishes a glazed smile crosses his face. He lifts his eyes and looks across the room to a painting on the wall of a bird taking flight, similar to the inky bird. (Barnabas' signature can be seen in the corner of the painting.) His eyes then cross over the room to an elegant chair as the smile leaves his face. In the chair are a few sewing accessories and tucked beneath, a sewing boxing with a small piece of polka-dot material poking out. Barnabas looks back to his inky bird with pang of sadness then looks away as he slides the paper off the table. It floats out of sight.

SFX. CLUTTER CRASH BANG

BENJAMIN
Ouh-Oh!

Barnabas flinches as if woken from a trance. He stands up and quickly walks to the door, then, with a longing glance back to the elegant chair, walks through the door.

CAMERA. ZOOM OUT OF THE WINDOW TO WIDE SHOT OF PARLOUR EXTERIOR

EXT. FUNERAL PARLOUR

SET. THE SUN ROTATES, AS IF ON A PIN-WHEEL, OFF THEN BACK ON SCREEN

Barnabas and Benjamin are on the horse and cart again as it pulls away.

CAMERA. FIXED ON THE HORSE AND CART

SET. PARLOUR SET PULLS OFF AS CHURCH EXTERIOR SET FOLD ON.

SFX. ORGAN PLAYING - VICAR MUMBLING

EXT. CHURCH FRONT

SET. THE CHURCH ROTATES 90 DEGREES AND SIDE IS LIFTED TO REVEAL THE FUNERAL SERVICE INSIDE

CAMERA. ZOOMS IN THROUGH SIDE OF CHURCH

INT. CHURCH

A different group of people in black formal wear are sitting in the pews of the church. Some have oversized hats on. Barnabas and Benjamin are stood at the back of the church on opposite sides.

CAMERA. CLOSE-UP BENJI'S FACE FROM SIDE. BARNABUS VISABLE IN DISTANCE BUT BLURRED

Benjamin looks confused and saddened at the people then to his father in a search for comfort. Barnabas is looking forward with his hands folded behind him.

CAMERA. SWITCH FOCUS TO BARNABAS WITH BENJAMIN NOW IN SOFT FOCUS THEN BACK TO BENJAMIN IN MAIN FOCUS.

Benjamin looks away disappointed.

CAMERA. CLOSE-UP MONTAGE OF SOME OF THE FUNERAL GOERS IN EXTRAVAGANT HATS

SFX. MUMBLE OF A SERMON

CAMERA. WIDE SHOT FROM THE VIEW FROM THE PULPIT

The hats start flying off the heads of the mourners seemingly for no reason.

CAMERA. BACK OF THE CHRUCH. OVER THE SHOULDER OF BENJAMIN

Benjamin is using a HOME-MADE CATAPULT and peas to topple the hats off of the mourners.
Barnabas looks embarrassed and runs forward collecting up the hats.

CAMERA. ZOOM OUT TO CHURCH EXTERIOR

EXT. CHURCH

SET. THE CHURCH ROTATES ANOTHER 180 DEGREES AS THE SUN ROTATES A FULL CIRCLE AND ANOTHER SIDE IS LIFTED TO REVEAL THE FUNERAL SERVICE INSIDE

CAMERA. ZOOM IN THROUGH PANEL

INT. CHURCH

SFX. ORGAN PLAYING

The funeral attendees are taking their seats or sitting already. Again Benjamin and Barnabas stand at the back of the church, this time next to each other. Barnabas looks down to Benjamin with a stern, inquisitive look. Benjamin returns a look of innocence revealing his empty hands.

CAMERA. SLIDES DOWN TO SHOW BENJAMIN'S FEET

Benjamin carefully slides a tin, labelled 'Frogs' in a child's handwriting, behind him with his foot so that it's less visible to his father. A FROG hops away in the foreground.

SFX. ORGAN MUSIC DIES OUT. VICAR MUMBLE BEGINS.

Barnabas watches the service with a glazed over look of boredom. Benjamin is watching the faces of the funeral attendees with a strange level of interest.

SFX. THE VICARS MUMBLE BECOMES SLOWLY DROWNED OUT BY THE SOUND OF FROGS

Benjamin delights in humorous faces pulled by the confused attendees while Barnabas just rests his head in his hand in mixed exhaustion and embarrassment.

CAMERA. ZOOM OUT TO CHURCH EXTERIOR

EXT. CHURCH

SET. THE CHURCH BACK ROTATES ANOTHER 90 DEGREES AS THE SUN ROTATES A FULL CIRCLE AND THE BACK OF THE CHURCH BUILDING IS LIFTED TO REVEAL THE FUNERAL SERVICE INSIDE

CAMERA. ZOOM IN THROUGH PANEL

INT. CHURCH

A coffin rests on a table at the front of the church.Another party of mourners stand in a line at the coffin. They are saying their last goodbyes to the departed. Benjamin crouches behind the coffin, hidden. He knocks on the side of the coffin.

SFX: TRIPLE KNOCK

FUNERAL PARTY
(Screams)

-- The funeral party all look panicked and frightened. One young women begins to cry. Benjamin's grin leaves his face as he realises this prank wasn't as funny as he first thought. He tries to sneak out from behind the coffin but Barnabas is waiting for him with a furious look that doesn't suit his face. Benjamin look back at him with a look of nervous guilt.

CAMERA. FIXED ON BENJAMIN'S FACE

SET. CHANGES FROM THE CHURCH TO THE FUNERAL PARLOUR OFFICE

INT. FUNERAL PARLOUR OFFICE

Barnabas angrily empties a box of prank devises into the office bin. Benjamin, sitting in a window seat, watches his father in shock then looks over to the elegant chair as if in a search for support, seeing it's empty he sub-consciously raises a hand to his bow-tie, then looks down in defeat passing his last toy, the catapult to his father.
Barnabas takes the catapult and brakes it in two then throws it to the floor. Small tears begin to fall down Benjamin’s face as he looks down at his broken toy.

CAMERA. CLOSE-UP, SLOW ZOOM OF BARNABAS’ FACE INTO HIS EYES

*FLASHBACK*

INT. CHURCH - IN THE PAST

A YOUNG BARNABAS stands holding a wet paintbrush at the back of a church looking guiltily at BERNARD BADGERSWORTH, his father. Behind the two all that is visible is the back of the funeral attendees heads and hats. On every TOP HAT and one BALD MAN is a painting of birds, butterflies or sun-shines.

CAMERA. FIXED ON YOUNG BARNABAS' FACE

SET. CHANGES FROM THE CHURCH TO THE FUNERAL PARLOUR OFFICE

INT. FUNERAL PARLOUR OFFICE –IN THE PAST

Young Barnabas’s facial expression is that of nervous guilt.
Bernard angrily empties a box of art equipment into the office bin.
Bernard takes the paintbrush that Young Barnabas is clutching and brakes it in two then throws it to the floor.
Small tear begin to fall down Young Barnabas’s face as he looks down at his broken brush.

INT. FUNERAL PARLOUR OFFICE – PRESENT

ANGLE: SLOW ZOOM OUT OF GROWN UP BARNABAS’ FACE

Barnabas looks at his son as if seeing him for the first time. A warm smile crosses his face as he has a brilliant idea. He looks over to the elegant chair, up to a picture of his late wife and Benjamin and himself, then to Benjamin again.

CAMERA. ZOOM OUT OF WINDOW SLOWLY

EXT. WONDER & MAGIC EMPORIUM (PREVIOUSLY FUNERAL PARLOUR)

As the view gets wider it becomes apparent that the shop front has changes to be colourful and now houses an exciting emporium or fancy-dress, toys and bright art. Barnabas and Benjamin stand side-by-side looking on at their new business. They’re wearing colourful versions of their previous costumes, each a polka-dot bow-tie. Benjamin is holding a catapult and Barnabas, a paintbrush.

FADE OUT.
THE END

1 comment:

  1. Stitch Pass - HERE I GO!!!

    1. The boy looks bored and sad. Barnabas looks down to him with a sympathetic smile but Benji doesn't notice.

    (Add - The father looks down and focuses back on the path ahead)

    2. Benjamin, standing at a short distance, is sniggering.

    (Change - Snickering is little shit terretory, maybe a public ta-dah! moment)

    3. CAMERA. ZOOM ON THE '& Son' PART OF THE SIGN

    (Change - After leaving the prior shot - graveyard I think we should fade out from the cemetary then fade back in on the cart name at the grave yard... then pull out to reveal the funeral palour)

    4. CAMERA. ZOOM IN THROUGH LOWER WINDOW OF PARLOUR

    (Change - I think maybe a cross fade here, the carriage has pulled up to the funeral parlour we get that were going inside... Zoom may be a bit much. More subtle - think flow)

    5. As Barnabas lifts a sheet of paper it knocks his ink well slightly leaving a pool of ink that could almost resemble a flying bird.

    (Change - I think it should just leave a small ink splotch... he makes it into a bird)

    6. Barnabas looks back to his inky bird with pang of sadness then looks away as he slides the paper off the table. It floats out of sight.

    (Alter slightly - Slight tremble in bottom lip. He doesnt just slide it off the table I think he should throw it in the garbage)

    7. Benjamin is using a HOME-MADE CATAPULT and peas to topple the hats off of the mourners.

    (Add - There should be another ta-dah moment here, or an act of celebration - Throws his hat in the air. His attempt to lighten the mood. This time Benjamin could express dissapointment as he is still not able to cheer up this crowd of people)

    8. Benjamin carefully slides a tin, labelled 'Frogs'

    Not a tin - the frogs label is a bit sign happy - maybe just a trasparent glass bottle containing frogs.

    9. Benjamin delights in humorous faces pulled by the confused attendees while Barnabas just rests his head in his hand in mixed exhaustion and embarrassment.

    (Alter slightly - Benjamin dances to the frogs calls)

    10. Barnabas angrily empties a box of prank devises into the office bin

    (Replace - prank with comedy)

    11. On every TOP HAT and on the back of one BALD MAN is a painting of birds, butterflies or sun-shines.

    (Confused)

    12. Barnabas looks at his son as if seeing him for the first time. A warm smile crosses his face as he has a brilliant idea.

    (Not sure but - This feels a bit sudden... I think after Barnabas breaks the catapult Benjamin begins to cry and runs away. This gives Barnabas the flashback.

    When Barnabas returns from his flashback he finds his son (sitting down somewhere sobbing). He pats him on the head or ruffles up his hair... then a mutual hug. Then have Barnabas grin as he has had a brilliant idea...

    Its more of a setup... That way he isnt just immediately deciding to change his ways.

    Then have him look at the chair (maybe at this point he upturns a photograph that was face down on his desk. - his wife)

    13.They’re wearing colourful versions of their previous costumes, each a polka-dot bow-tie. Benjamin is holding a catapult and Barnabas, a paintbrush.

    (Just add - hand on shoulder then they both walk into the front door of their new venture - END)

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