Here's the trouble we have with the flashback sequence... the flashback occurs just before Barnabas has a change of mind and decided to alter his business completely... the flashback suggests that this alteration comes from his own experience with his own father doing just the same to him in the past as he is doing to his son now. BUT with the addition of the stronger mother presence at the beginning it feels that the motivation needs to come from her. Gladys (the mother) at the opening is seen to be encouraging her husband and son to express themselves artistically... Barnabas stops this when she dies but Benji carries on as a way of keeping her alive... at the end this should be Barnabas' motivation, to keep his wife alive by living in the way she taught him. Thus, the flashback becomes unnecessary as well as confusing to introduce a character that has previously been absent and also it means that Barnabas' grief is never resolved.
We think that by simply removing the flashback and allowing the facial expressions during Barnabas' change to tell his thought process there is enough reference to the mother to suggest to the audience that she is why he changes.
It sounds a little complicated but please watch this altered animatic below to see how you now read the story and give us feedback on whether it works.
We're also sharing this video on our course blog to gather as wide an opinion as possible.
One thing id like to throw in here... I agree that the flashback is irrelevant with the mother being so prominent but I don't think the look to nowhere reads as anything more then a change of mind...
ReplyDeleteIf you ask me when Barnabas looks to the side you should cut to a picture of Barnabas and his wife or a painting of them so it reads that he's realising that he is failing her by berating their son for trying to "keep smiling".
Just my two cents but that would read a hell of a lot better...